I worked out with an alien the other day. Well, I didn’t actually do a workout with her but we were in the gym at the same time and believe me I kept a close eye on her. I’ve seen this alien before. She always wears a hat…a knit cap that’s big and bulbous on top. She has a tiny face and the cap bulges out above her in quite a strange and remarkable way. I initially thought she had some long dreads tucked up there which would explain why the top of her head is so giant in comparison to her little, pointy chin but truth be told I’ve never seen any dreads so now I’m pretty sure it’s just her head. To complete the look she wears huge, mirrored sunglasses. That’s right sunglasses for an inside workout and she’s always completely covered from wrist to ankle in a tight, long-sleeved shirt and leggings. She’s a rather slight, little thing and looks just about like this.
I try to be polite, but it’s hard not to stare. When I was a child my mother would always tell me to stop staring at someone I found interesting for one thing or another. I complied but wondered why I had to avert my eyes when it was clear that the person I was fascinated by wanted to be looked at. Why else would they appear in public like they did? The guy with about 1000 necklaces (think Mr T) comes to mind, also the guy who put maroon henna markings all over his face and the woman with the beehive hairdo at the gift shop that was so high I was sure she was going to fall over one day if that thing got just a little out of balance. But I digress.
My observations of this little woman were quite enough to make me suspect her alien origins and then I walked into the locker room and found her wearing this.
That’s right! I’m not kidding. She was in a space suit! Now I’m absolutely sure she’s not from Earth!
There’s another lady in the gym who has been showing up lately wearing a surgical mask. You know why? I think she’s on to the alien and she’s worried that she’s going to be exposed to some sort of pathogen by being in close proximity to the foreign life form.
My gym is a strange place, a strange place indeed!