The ULTIMATE Holiday Weight Loss Plan

We were sitting down to dinner last night and just as I was getting ready to bite into a yummy Italian sausage sandwich my youngest son, who just turned 12, started haranguing me…again.

He started out with “Mom, I want to go survival camping over Thanksgiving, by myself.  I don’t want to stay out the whole time, just three days.”  I said “Honey, I don’t think that’s a good idea.  You don’t really have the experience you need to be successful.”

“Yes, I do.  I’ve read so many survival manuals and books, I’ve watched all the episodes of Survivor Man, and most of the episodes of Man VS Wild, Duel Survival and Fat Guys in the Woods.  I know what I’m doing”

“But we’re going to be in the mountains, remember?  It’s going to be freezing.”

“That’s not a problem, Mom, I’ll build a fire.  It’s fine.  Everything will probably be covered in snow so what’s going to burn that’s not supposed to?  Statistics show that winter is the best time for forest fire avoidance.”

“You’re going to get hungry, you know.”

“No I won’t.  I’ll be fine.  There’s plenty to eat.  I can get a rabbit or squirrel and there are at least 3 kinds of edible plants up there I know about.  You can eat thistle.  Maybe I’ll catch a rat.  They taste good, you know.”

“I’m not going to give you permission to survival camp in the snow.  I’m pretty sure it’s illegal.  I can just see the sheriff showing up at the door to arrest me for child neglect.”

“Mom, that’s ridiculous.  The sheriff isn’t going to catch me.  I know how to avoid detection.  Remember all the escape and evade videos I’ve watched?  I’ve read plenty about that.  I’m telling you I won’t get caught.  I know what I’m doing.”

This went on most of dinner.  My son has a very pleasant personality but he can be doggedly persistent.  He is fixated on survival techniques and is determined to put them into practice.  I want to support his interest so I’m trying to get him into a class or an adult-led learning experience over the summer.  That way he can pick up skills in a hands-on way and I can be more confident that he really does know what he’s doing.  I figure it’s in all our best interests since sooner or later, I’m going to have to give him the green light.

As I was washing dishes I thought for a brief moment that maybe I should just go ahead and go with him for a couple of days to see how he did.  I thought about having him provide dinner for us and imagined eating little spit-roasted rat bits then discarded the idea.

I decided I’m not going to go hang out in the frigid mountain air, eating what we can find on the land but it occurred to me that once he actually has some experience, perhaps we could develop a marketing plan to sell the idea to people who want to trim up over the traditional putting-on-the-pounds holiday season.  After all, they’ve been able to talk people (AKA city slickers) into paying large sums to work ranches for the “authentic cowboy experience” so why wouldn’t they pay for an awesome, mountain, weight loss adventure?  A couple of weeks with my son, in the clean air and unspoiled beauty of the high country…and voila!  Fit and trim, guaranteed!

Imagine…

Do you want to change your body?  Do you want to start the new year with a new physique?  Do you want to transform?

Then I’ve got the plan for you!  Come on up to the mountains for a couple of weeks of fun and adventure!  Live off the fat of the land while enjoying the breathtaking scenery!

Once the victims paid guests show up the trimming process can begin!

Everybody knows your body uses up more calories when it has to work to stay warm!

Everybody knows your body uses up more calories when it has to work to stay warm!

Dinner is served!  Eat as much as you like!

Dinner is served! Eat as much as you like!

Would you like some thistle for dessert?  See if you can find some.  Just dig under the snow for a delicious treat!

Would you like some thistle for dessert? See if you can find some. Just dig under the snow for a delicious treat!

What?  The sherriff is coming to roust us out?  I know what to do!  Follow  me!

What? The sheriff is coming to roust us out? I know what to do! Follow me and be ready to run over rough ground, slither on your belly for miles and climb up these rock faces!

If you want to lose those unwanted pounds during the holiday season when everyone else is stacking on weight,  just write a large check to Mountain Spa and Survival Adventure!  You won’t be sorry!

It sounds like the perfect plan to me. The clients lose weight as promised and we make lots of money helping them reach their goals!  What’s not to love?

17 responses

  1. This post brought me back. I remember making soup with tree bark and grubs (protein source) during one of my schools and makng a bed with hot rocks, moss and leaves. Survival training is a lot easier here in the states, at least you have a idea about what roots and plants you can eat. I don’t go out camping, hiking, etc. Without carrying, you never know what you might run into in the woods. Make sure he is studying local plants, roots and wildlife in order to prepare himself better. Maybe he will be your version of Mick Dodge.Have a fantastic weekend my beautiful spider monkey. ..

    1. Yum…grubs! My son was watching a survival show and it was set in Alaska. Once they got a caribou down, they field dressed it and then the guide went into the skin and dug out some big, giant, white grubs. He ate one and said it tasted like milk. Then he offered one to a TV camera crew guy. He chewed it and then you could hear him throwing up. Ha…

      I will get my son some more books about native plants etc. so he can study up. They’ll make a great Christmas present. He’s actually very hardy and will probably do just fine with a little more experience and tutelage. I figure by the time he’s 15, if he keeps going and learning at this pace, he’ll be good to go at least in our local area in the mountains (private property). It’s actually a real kick watching him grow up.

      I hope your day is going well. I just got back from walking the dogs. It’s glorious outside…so pretty. It’s put me in a wonderful mood!

  2. You: “Wow, kiddo, all you have to do is watch somebody and you’ve got it down? That’s an amazing talent. I’d like to see that in action. Tell you what, you’ve been watching me run this house for a lot of years now. I’ll let you cook, clean, coordinate the entire family, maintain all the vehicles and equipment, and earn enough money to pay all the expenses for three months. At the end of that, you can go winter survival camping in the mountains because you’ll need the rest. Here, let’s shake on it….”

    1. Ha…that made me smile. Good point. Hope you’re having a lovely Friday. Enjoy the weekend and thank you for stopping by!

  3. He has such a fit and fierce mama so it must be rubbing off on him. Lol. I can imagine the physical work of survival and all the lean protein of squirrels can only be a good thing.

    1. Squirrels, rats and thistle on the menu! Yep, I’m sure that would lead to weight loss. My son is so much fun…full of energy and ideas. I will do my best to find a wilderness course or something that will enhance his knowledge over the summer. Maybe he can get some guided, real-world experience.

      I hope your workouts are going well. Last week was so busy I missed a whole day out of my planned workouts but this week has been back on track. Have a great evening!

      1. He sounds like a very adventurous guy. Great that you’re trying to find an outdoor experience for him.
        My workouts are going pretty good. I haven’t been slacking off at all. I’m sure you’re happy to be back at it!

  4. I agree. Holding down a job these days is what survival in a pitiless wilderness is all about!

    1. Yes, that’s true! My son makes me laugh. I really do love his enthusiasm and desire to learn. I keep telling him to continue his independent studies. We might actually need to rely on his knowledge one day!

    2. …but I’m not eating a rat…unless I’m starving…

  5. I suggested that Justin Bieber come visit us for a ranch experience when he was in the news for being carried on the Great Wall of China. I am glad your son is so independent and knowledgeable about survival in the wilderness. When I was his age, I enjoyed time in the woods and by the river. I had the Boy Scout manual though I was not a scout. I slept in cold mountains without a tent. I had a kit to make plaster casts of animal tracks. My family called me Nature Boy. So I enjoyed reading about your son’s interests. Rats? That is where I draw the line. He is tougher than me.

    1. He swears that rats taste good. He has it on good authority that properly prepared and cooked over the fire, they taste delicious. Yuck…I’ll bring my own dinner, thank you. You know, I hope my son grows up, gets a good education and a decent job but still loves the land and the outdoors like you do. It’s a great way to live life. You have enough to meet your needs and you get the pleasure of living close to nature. To me, it’s the perfect balance! Cowboy/Lawyer…that’s a fantastic combination!

  6. Survival camping sounds like a lot of fun! Now I wanna do it! It’s a guaranteed way to drop a ton of weight in a very short time (although I wouldn’t recommend it) 🙂 Another great blog! Thanks

    1. Glad you stopped by! I think it’s a real money maker, right? People will want to eat rats and twigs, I’m certain. Is it survival camping if you have lots of warm gear, a pop up camper and a nice steak to grill over the campfire? Ha…that’s my kind of camping…

  7. Where did you ever find a plate full of rats? That sure put a damper on my appetite for the evening.
    If your son is so up on the idea of an adult experience – tell him to get a job – they’re even more fun!!!!

    1. Those were yummy rats that were getting ready to be prepared for a meal at a restaurant in Thailand. Apparently, that’s one of their specialties. The article that was attached to that photo says the cooking rat smells delicious!

      1. If they like them so much – who am I to take away their pleasure… {did that sound sincere enough?]

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